Dreams and Awakenings

2/22/12 – Ash Wednesday (written on Shrove Tuesday)

One of the gifts of the time difference and my quick adjustment to it were the acute awakenings I had in the first few mornings at the Delhi Brotherhood Society House – [a very worthy organization,by the way, to consider making financial contribution towards if you would like to assist the poorest and most marginalized people in Indian society. I can tell you more upon request or upon my return, or you can look them up online]

I woke several mornings in a row with sharp awareness of my dreams in which people in various sectors of my life were decidedly unhappy with me and judging me to have failed or let them down. These I quickly identified as representing in part the “committee” or “judge jury and executioner” in my head that I have increasingly become aware of and less regarding of in recent years. But in the clarity of these particular mornings, upon reflection (in that way that one can see oneself in every character in a dream) I saw myself in the seat of judgment, both my conscious and wide-awake judgment of myself and of others. For example I had been scrutinizing all the members of the Brotherhood, partly out of curiosity but also with some critique, though(to my credit) not devoid of compassion. I had also however been severely judging (in my mind) one particular visitor at the meal table over several days (the Diocese of New Delhi had organized a pre-ordination retreat for Deacons and Presbyters at the House and they were living there for several days just prior to my departure). 

This man had a colossal appetite and seemed to repeatedly beat everyone to the food line. He (and others) also reached for the salt-shaker for every helping of food – food that was very tasty without added salt. 

Suffice it to say that I think my Lenten aspiration will be to fast from judgment of myself and others and to feast on affirmation of myself and others.